and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
