I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
