is your mom at the bar?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
