he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
