She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
