i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
