I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
