I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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