I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
