guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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