I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
