Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
