you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
