Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
