i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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