i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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