I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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