She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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