No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
