I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
