After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
