If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
