Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
