Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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