I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
