We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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