I just pynch a tree in the face
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
