He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
