I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
