Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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