she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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