I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
