This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
