I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
