what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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