I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
