Having a random hookup so left but love u
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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