She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
