Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
