Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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