Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had to cum in my sink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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