If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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