Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
