how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
