meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
