Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize