dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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