Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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