next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
