dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
