On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
