he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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