I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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