im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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