I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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