Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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