Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
