So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
