u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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