So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
