i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we should paint friendship bongs
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