well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
