Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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